Round Perdition's Flames Part VI "Quandry" --Saturday-- Lagging behind again. I knew it. Why should I even tolerate his presence here anyway? All he ever does is get in my way. Misato keeps him around like some sort of pet so she can feel better about herself. If she takes care of him, it helps her to face down her own inadequacies. Look at how pathetic he is! He's just shuffling along, like he's dragging the whole weight of the world to school with him! Life is tough, but does he have to act like he's the only one who has to deal with it? It's not as though he's the only person that has to cope with unpleasantness in their life. Asuka smirked to herself as all of these thoughts ran through her head. Despite his relative success, maybe Shinji Ikari wasn't as invincible as he had seemed to be. Good. It was time for people to start paying attention to her, instead of pampering their precious little Shinji. She had been slighted enough, thank you very much! What was it with them, anyway? Didn't they notice how much of a better synch ratio she had than that wimp? It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that she could do what he did with both of Unit-02's hands tied behind its back! In every mission so far, that spineless little boy had managed to siphon off some of her glory. Well, it was time for that to stop. Without her, he would have died a long time ago! Why, just recently, she had nailed that 10th Angel but good. And now they were giving Shinji the credit for intercepting the target! What was with Misato and Commander Ikari?!! Were they so blind that they couldn't see her prog knife stabbing that thing to its death? No, this had to stop. She did all the work, and Shinji got all the credit. A small part of her wondered if she was wasting her time. Why should they care about her, anyway? All she did was pilot Eva. She had nothing else to offer them, after all. Offering herself meant offering all she was, and piloting Eva were the only skills she had that anyone cared about. That was all she was, an Eva pilot. Then again, she had no need to be anything more. What the world needed now more than anything else was someone to fight for its continued right to exist, someone to fight for the human race. Being an Eva Pilot was something wonderful, if often painful. It was where she belonged. How else would she be able to prove her worth to the world than by covering its proverbial ass? Not that it did her much good anyways. The Invincible Shinji always got all the credit. She could die in the next Angel Attack, and it wouldn't matter. Then Shinji could get all of Misato's attention. Commander Ikari wouldn't care, so long as he had his precious Wondergirl. She was certain that Dr. Akagi would appreciate it if she just disappeared. She didn't have any real friends to speak of, just Hikari. And if she was gone, than Hikari could focus her attentions on her beloved Toji instead of wasting her time with herself. She had to stop thinking like this. It didn't matter what any of them thought. She lived for herself, not for them. She wouldn't allow other people's thoughts of her to rule her life. The fact that she was alive was justification enough for her existence. Look at him. Still lagging behind. Walking to school as though it was his last mile. What kind of idiots would want to entrust the future of the human race to someone like him? People of obvious low intelligence, that was for sure. Shinji Ikari was nothing more than a prop being held up by her under appreciated talents. "Shinji! Get your ass in gear! Or do you want to be late?!" Asuka couldn't help but notice how the boy made no motion whatsoever in response to her comment, as though he hadn't even heard her, though she knew this wasn't true. What was with him? He should be grateful, she had just allowed him to spend most of that morning in her presence. The worst thing about all of it was that she had sort of enjoyed it. She definitely wasn't looking to do it again anytime soon, in fact, Misato still owed her big time, as far as she was concerned. But all things considered, it really hadn't been all that bad. He had been relatively nice to her. Maybe he hadn't been perfect, but at least he didn't run around calling her "Demon Girl," or slobbering all over her, like many a boy did, and he wasn't a complete and total bore, if only because he was like her toy. So why was she suddenly so concerened about his actions? "Hey, Ayanami isn't here today." Those were the first words anyone had heard out of Shinji Ikari's mouth all morning. Even when he had finally arrived, he had only acknowledged his friends with a slight wave, heading straight for his desk and lying his head down on top of it. "Do you have any idea where she is, Shinji?" asked a curious Kensuke. Shinji sighed. "Not really, no, although I'll bet that she's with my father....." Toji smirked. "Keeping tabs on her?" "No!" Shinji blushed. "I-I really don't know where she is! It's just that I often see her with Father, so, I figured....." "I hear you. Just as well, we wouldn't want to make your 'wife' over there jealous." Toji stated, jerking a thumb in Asuka's direction. Blushing a little more, Shinji followed the direction of Toji's thumb to see Hikari and Asuka having an enthusiastic conversation about whatever it is that girls talk about. "Hey! Now wait a second here! Kensuke is the one who asked about Rei!" Kensuke took a step backwards. "That's true, isn't it?" spoke Toji, who grinned mischeviously at Aida. "But Shinji is the one who's always staring at Ayanami!" Kensuke protested. "Guys, look, this really isn't getting us anywhere, so let's just drop it." suggested Shinji. "For now." Toji agreed, looking at his two comrades as though he was attempting to sum up how trustworthy they were. "So, Shinji, how come up until now you've been so quiet this morning?" Kensuke wondered aloud. "No special reason. I guess I just have a lot on my mind." "I would too, if I lived with Misato." Kensuke and Toji grinned while Shinji rolled his eyes. "It's just the time of the year is all. I always get reflective upon the anniversary of...my mother's.....passing......" "Oh." "I'm sorry, Shinji. I didn't know." Toji patted Ikari on the shoulder. "Hey, I understand." "No, it's okay, don't worry about it." Shinji smiled. "You didn't know, and I'm not exactly in the habit of telling people." "Hey, let's not let it get us down. How's about we men have a night out on the town? Just the three of us?" "I wish I could." Shinji empathized, "but I'm afraid duty calls tonight. And after that I have to spend some 'quality' time with Misato and Asuka, and Ritsuko." he added. "Aw man, that really stinks. You're turning down a good time with us to be poked and prodded by NERV?" "I'd let them poke me all night if it meant I got to be with Misato later on!" Kensuke spoke with enthusiasm. "Hmmm, I see your point." Toji added. "I'm glad one of us does." Shinji commented, gazing in the direction where Rei would normally be sitting. Kensuke looked at Shinji, following his gaze, and sighed. "Looks like he's got a one track mind this morning." "It's not like that!" "Then exactly how is it?" inquired Toji. "I-I don't know. But it's not what you're thinking. It's different." "Yeah? Well it's also a bit strange!" Shinji couldn't argue with his friend on that one, it was rather strange. What was with his devotion to Ayanami that had led him down many a painful path since that fateful day he had arrived in Tokyo-3? What was driving him down this strange and frightening course? The sudden thought made Ikari glad to have Asuka around, and not just because he was beginning to be attracted to her. Since Asuka was so hellbent on people paying attention to her, her presence forced a lot of his intentions off of Ayanami. Good, maybe now he wouldn't do such stupid and brash things that brought more unwelcome pain into his life. Now if he could just push this benefit into actual pleasure, maybe he would be a lot happier..... "Could she have gotten lost *again*?" Ritsuko shouted in exasperation, then looked down at her coffee mug. How does anything we do around here stay on schedule when the Head of Operations is never on time?!" "Sir, maybe there's something we're overlooking. When it comes right down to it, the Major does her job pretty well." Maya offered. "Granted she does good work when she's here, but as for overlooking anything, well, let's just say you don't know the Major like I do." "Sir?" "One day you'll understand, Maya. One day." "I'll. . .just have to take your word for that." "That you will." Dr. Akagi smiled. "looking forward to those tests this evening?" Maya grimaced. "Ugh, no offense, but sometimes my opinions mirror those of the Second Child's when it comes to these tests." "Really?" Maya's comment earned her a raising of Ritsuko's right eyebrow. "Well, it's just, they're usually not all that exciting, although I do admit that sometimes some rather interesting data pops up." "Just because we're in the business of saving the world doesn't mean that there's never a dull moment, you know." "Oh, it isn't that at all. We see plenty of "action" for my tastes, believe that! No, it's just. . ." "What?" "I don't know. Lately I just don't feel as committed to my work as I used to." Ritsuko sighed. She had a pretty good idea what was bothering her assistant. "This is about the Dummy System, isn't it?" Maya's face began to turn a shade of red. "N-no, it has nothing to do with that." "Maya?" Ritusko's voice had taken on that tone that every mother uses and every child hates, that voice that asks whether or not one is telling the truth. Had Maya been in an American court, she would have taken the Fifth Amendment. "I...I-I, I. . ." "Mmmm?" "I JUST DON'T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT IT!" The remark was louder than normal but less than a shout. "I figured something was wrong." "How so?" "The way you've been acting lately, you've been avoiding me, Maya." "But I've talked to you everyday!" "Yes, but you've never said anything more than you felt absolutely necessary, you've kept our interaction down to a minimum, it seems. That isn't like you. You wouldn't have done that unless you felt that you had something to hide from me." "I was afraid that you were going to be angry. . ." "Why would I be angry, Maya? I'm a bit disappointed, but not angry. I expected a bit more from you than this. I thought that we knew each other better. Apparently I was mistaken." "Now wait, that isn't true! I was just afraid because the Dummy System has become such a big project and I'm having some real moral dilemmas with it!" "Oh, Maya, come now. That's pish-tosh, as they say. There's nothing to be concerened about. If anything, this is preferrable. The Dummy System will allow the Children some 'cushion room'. Should anything happen to them, we will no longer be completely dependent on their abilities. That doesn't mean that we're going to replace the Children, but it does mean that they won't be burdened with quite as much responsibility. All in all I'd say that it's a win-win scenario. The Children get a break, and NERV, not to mention the world, gets a fallback." "Maybe so, but with all due respect to both you and this project, it just. . .bothers me." "You're young yet, Maya. Once you get into a position like mine, you'll have an easier time putting your personal feelings aside. I assure you, there's nothing to worry about. This system will not diminish our pilots in any way." Ibuki begged to differ, but her innate shyness prevented her from speaking up to her superior again. After all, the last thing she needed was for Dr. Akagi to begin having doubts about her. Her job was to do as she was told, to go to work on projects and report on their status, to assist Dr. Ritsuko Akagi in her seemingly endless research. NERV paid her for her work, not her opinions on whether its actions were "right" or not. But something inside the young woman insisted that this would lead down a dark road. Rei Ayanami sat on a bench in the girl's changing room. Her school uniform had been neatly hung in her locker. Her plug suit had been successfully donned and vacuum sealed. Dr. Akagi would be waiting for her. Yet she could not bring herself to stand up. Her body possessed the strength. Her mind possessed the knowledge and the need. Yet her soul. . .her soul wanted her to stay here. There was something waiting for her. She wasn't certain what. But she could feel that it was a force, a force greater than any she presently knew. It lay beyond, far ahead of her. She was afraid to take further steps forward, towards what was waiting for her. Commander Ikari. The commander beckoned her to go to him, to go forward. Why must she go forward? She did not wish to go further. And then she was standing. And with legs and eyes uncertain, yet no movement betraying this fact, Rei Ayanami stepped out of the door and walked towards her destiny. Onward. "Look inside your mind. Look inside your eye. Secret agent spy, come to see why, S-E-X-X-Y." Kaji sang with his music whilst drying himself enthusiastically, whipping the towel around him in a hurry. Satisfied with his work, he tied the fabric around his waist and proceeded to go to work on making himself presentable for the day. Stubble? Check. Scruffy hairdo? Check. Shower clean scent? Hmmm....after rummaging around for a proper can of deodorant, Kaji sprayed a generous dose under his arms and declared himself fit to goof off. Check! He quickly stepped back into the bedroom, anxious to get a move on. Since he had unintentionally woken up early anyway, he may as well get a jumpstart on the day and enjoy everything that it had to offer. Such as it was. But what was he going to do with all this time? He'd like to find Katsuragi and play with her, maybe take her down a shoe size or to and get her to at least treat him civilly. Unfortunately, he had already contacted Ritsuko about where the Major would be, and as it turned out his dear Misato was going to be on business for the day. That didn't however, account for her evening, and Kaji resolved to attach himself to Misato that night. Now, what could he do during the day? He could head to NERV and play with Dr. Akagi, but she probably wouldn't like his intruding. Still, perhaps it would give him a chance to work out a date that evening. Just himself, the Major, and the good doctor. Yeah, that would be nice. Just like old times. "Well, it's a start." he said to himself. Dressing quickly, Kaji headed out the door and into the geofront, wondering how long it would take for Asuka to call with some emergency or other and wearing a relaxed grin. "They didn't like your story?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki inquired with a voice that implied a mild interest. "Hmpf." Was the only reply he got for his troubles. "And what did they have to say?" "The old men attempted to 'put me in my place." "Did they succeed?" Commander Gendo Ikari merely shifted his glare to his subordinate. Fuyutsuki moved his hand in a gesture to let his superior know he wouldn't continue the ribbing. "What about the lance, Ikari?" "Indeed. The time is nearly at hand. Rei shall see to it. All is going according to the plan." "In that case," Kozou slid a small stack of papers towards Gendo, "did you read the latest report from security?" "Regarding?" "Why don't you take a look for yourself?" Gendo glared at the grey-haired man for a moment before picking up the papers and scanning them. "Very interesting." he said at length, setting them back on the table. "Do you think it's something we should keep our eyes on?" "At the moment, it is of no concern. We should not, however, deem it an impossibility." "As you wish." "Indeed. Is there anything else that you feel I should be aware of, Fuyutsuki?" "No." "Then let us move on to the remainder of today's business." "Rei will be with Dr. Akagi today?" "Correct. I had considered monitoring the simulation." "Do you still intend to?" "Yes. It is, of course, of great importance." "Of course. And once we have it in place, how do you propose you will remove it." A shadow of a smile flashed across Ikari's face for the briefest of moments. "Ingenuity." Whilst all of these "events" were taking place, Misato Katsuragi sat at her desk within NERV Headquarters, staring at the piles upon piles of paper in front of her. She would have given anything to shred them, they kept piling up after every Angel attack. For that reason, she was somewhat pleased in the fact that Ireul's assault had taken place right inside NERV, thus the civilian population had nothing to complain about for once. What she needed was a secretary. Paperwork wasn't exactly her thing. She had joined NERV to get revenge against the Angels, not listen to people's complaints. "This sucks." "Having a bad day, Misato?" Ritsuko asked playfully, peeking her head in. "I tell you what, Ritsuko, why don't we trade places? You sit here and do all my mindless paperwork, and I'll go out there and play with Rei." "No thanks, it's too much fun watching you from this end. But I tell you what, I'll do it if you can solve this equation." Ritsuko proferred a piece of paper scrawled with numbers, letters, and symbols the like of which Misato had never seen. "Errr..." "That's why I get to wear the white coat. But cheer up, I've brought you a present." "A present? For me? Really?" "Mmm-hmmm. Okay, come on in." "What the-!" Misato's jaw slammed into the table as Kaji stepped past Ritsuko into the crowded office. "Katsuragi! I sure had a heck of a time tracking you down. It took a lot of charming Ritsu here to get her to tell me where you are." "White coat! Hah! You need to be dragged away by some people in white coats, --Doctor--!" "Well, if I had known you weren't going to like it, I would have kept the receipt." Akagi did her best to sound hurt. "But, I guess I'll leave you two alone so you can spend some quality time together." Ritsuko quickly left, and shut the door behind her. "And so it begins." she said to herself, walking towards the Eva cage to meet Rei. "Katsuragi. Your office is starting to look......cluttered." Just what she needed, more frustration. Why did Kaji always invite himself into her personal business, anyway? Standing up from behind her desk, Kaji could just barely see her face from over the stacks of paper, but it clearly wore an annoyed expression. "Well, obviously you didn't see my apartment before Shinji moved in." "Correct. Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen your place here in Tokyo-3 at all....." "Let's try and keep it that way." She retorted. "What do you want?" "Other than you? Well, I did come to see what you were doing this evening...." "I've got plans, thank you." "What sort of plans?" "That really isn't any of your business, is it?" "Perhaps not, but forgive my curiosity." "I'm taking the kids and Ritsuko out to dinner, if you must know." "Great, sounds like fun. Dr. Akagi and I will be at your place after the kids' synch tests this evening. I'll see you there." Kaji then made a discreet exit from Misato's office, leaving the purple-haired woman standing there, mouth agape. *Great.* she laughed in a defeated manner. *Just great.* He was trying. He was trying, damn it! But he couldn't do it. He couldn't listen to his teacher do this to him one more time. Toji and Kensuke had a bet going as to how many more Second Impact lectures it would take before someone in the class jumped out the window in a last-ditch effort to retain their sanity. At the moment, Shinji was very close to making someone on that list a nice piece of change. That was it, he immediately turned his mind inward so that he didn't end up imitating the last scene of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." Very carefully, so as not to be noticed, Shinji gently leaned his head back and closed his eyes, his thoughts taking him to a better place. And boy did he have a lot to think about! Most notably, the changes that were coming into his life due to a recent decision of his. If there was one thing that Shinji had to admit, it was that his current situation ensured that he always had something to do. He always had planning to take care of. He had quickly realized that in order to have even an infinitesimal chance of pulling this off, he was going to have to stay one step ahead of Asuka. He needed to be prepared for her, needed to head off confrontations and things that would set her off. And Misato was right. He needed Asuka to see him as a strong person, while at the same time not take the center attention off of her when it came to piloting. Many different plans were formed and subsquently nixed during the course of that lecture, but there was one that outshone all the others, the one he had been trumpeting since earlier that morning. Truth. There was an old saying which preached "Honesty is the best policy." There was a certain logic to that. He couldn't deny that the majority of conversation with Asuka involved either superficiality or yelling. He wanted to change that, to try to get some honesty between them without freaking the girl out. Just a little openess. He didn't feel that they needed to share their deep, dark secrets. As though she would anyway! But still, they were roommates, along with Misato. He had been able to speak openly with Misato about some things. Why couldn't he do the same with Asuka? After all, Misato had always intended for the three of them to be like a pseudo family. And now, he had figured out an angle that just might work. It certainly couldn't hurt to try. Actually, come to think of it, it could hurt to try, considering whom he was dealing with. But not a lot. Shinji set his expectations rather low anyway. If the two of them could just talk about anything honestly for once, it would be a start. The weather. Misato's cooking. That upcoming algebra exam. Just something nice and simple. Yeah, that was the ticket. *Be cool, Ikari. Yeah, you're a cool guy. Smooth. Oh, who am I kidding!* Certainly not himself, but hey, those were the breaks. Shinji snuck a glance in Asuka's direction, and found her staring straight ahead, a bored expression on her face. *All right Asuka. If you're going to fight me all the way on this, then I guess it's my job to take away your reason to fight.* Satisfied, Shinji sat forward at attention again, and even managed to pay attention to the remaining portion of the sensei's lecture. It was on the changes that social structures underwent in the aftermath of the Second Impact. ********************************************************************************************** Greetings all! It's been a really long time, hasn't it? Yours truly decided to basically take the summer off, and then a lot stuff bogged me down at the beginning of this semester. A recent piece of fanmail prompted me to get up off my lazy butt and start writing again. Heaven help you all! As you may have noticed I jumped around quite a bit in this chapter, some of the scenes were over in less time than it takes Bill Clinton to eat his McRib and fries. And that's no small feat! I introduced a lot of different things in this chapter, things are moving right along. I owe all of you Rei fans an apology. I sort of cut a major scene with her at the last minute, and all you got was that really little piece. I'm getting to her, I swear it! She's going to have her own arc that sort of weaves in and out of the main one. I say this so that people don't accuse me of just shoving Rei aside in this story so that she doesn't get in the way of what I'm doing with Shinji and Asuka. But you'll see soon enough! Now that I've finished all my courses for the semester, I will endeavor to spend more time writing. In general, it takes me about one week to produce a chapter. As for the general direction of the story, I can say that it does have a very definitive ending. I am going somewhere, not just wandering aimlessly towards uncertainity. I have endeavored to create a Shinji/Asuka story that is as believable as that plotline allows. To this end, there is less of a WAFFY element to the story. You will not find any scene where Asuka would fall into Shinji's arms, for example. This is not to say that anyone who pens a "romantic" or "WAFFY" Shinji/Asuka story is wrong. There are some downright wonderful fics out there of that very nature. As is usually the case with fanfiction, the way that events unfold in this story, and their eventual conclusion all stem from my personal feelings on the matter--how *I* feel that things happen. Lastly, I know many of you waited a really long time to see this installment, so I hope that it lived up to your expectations. I apologize to any Shinji/Asuka fans who were hoping to see some more interaction between them. Maybe next time, right? I would like to also take a moment to express a lot of gratitude to those of you out there who have taken the time to not only read my work, but review it as well. An extra helping goes to those who looked favorably upon the story. All of you mean a lot to me. Preview of Next Installment-- Rei visits her gynocologist. Yeah, right. I'll bet you fanboys would like to see --that!-- **Ahem** Rei becomes aware of the dramas beginning to take place round her, and this causes her to learn some unexpected things about herself. And what do you think happens when Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Misato, Kaji, and Ritsuko end up having dinner together? The answers coming up in the next episode, "Confused." *********************************************************************************************** The necessary Legal Lingo Junk-In writing this story, the author is in no way attempting to take credit for Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters contained therein. This is a work contributed to Public Domain, and the author has not been paid so much as a penny for this story. Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyrighted by Gainax, A.D.V. Films holds the rights (hostage?) to the English Language Version. Reading this fanfic may cause loss of appetite! =============================================================== = This has been an official Swead Entertainment fanfic! = = Visit Swead Entertainment @ http://www.intcon.net/~sonny/se = ===============================================================